Slayers Baseball Lina
by pikaree1
Summary: The Slayers group get together for an all-out boys versus girls baseball game! Only deals with a couple innings. Includes a violent Zel, a furious Phibrizzo, a fired up Lina, an angry Filia, and two very unexpected commentators!


**Petal: A story which originates from a dinner conversation about the Sword of Light/Hikari no Ken/Gorun Nova. We don't own Slayers or we'd be broke from food bills.**

**Copper: This will be not so fun for Gourry… **

"These are your trusty commentators Rezo..."

"...and Copy Rezo! This match is between two well-known baseball teams, the Gorun Novas and the Ragna Blades! Back to you, Rezo!"

"Why thank you, Copy Rezo! The Gorun Novas are up to bat while the Ragna Blades bring out their star pitcher, Lina Inverse!"

"The first batter is Gourry Gabriev! Let's see how he fares against Little Lina!"

"Who're you calling little?!"

"Now now, Lina, quiet down and pitch, or in the name of justice, I'll have to call you out!"

"Oh yeah, we forgot to mention, Prince Philionel is the umpire for this game, right, Rezo?"

"Utterly true, Copy Rezo! Justice-hating viewers, beware!"

"Alright, I'll pitch! I hope you're ready, jellyfish brain!"

"Strike 1! Strike 2! Ooh! She beaned him!"

"Gourry's teammate Zelgadis Graywords drags him off the field and takes his place!"

"Go, my great-great-grandson! Spread your stony wings and fly!"

"Grr... Lina, pitch it as hard as you can. I wanna make this hit count."

"Whatever you say, Zel! Remember, you asked for it!"

"And Zelgadis hits the ball! Only... it's flying straight at us! What do we do, Rezo?!"

"Um... pray to Lord Shabranigdo? My great-great-grandson is out for blood..."

"Is it just me, or is the ball flying at us even faster now?"

"Copy Rezo, if I die, I leave all my powers, followers, and worldly possesions to you."

"Really? Faster, you glorious speeding ball, faster!"

"HEY! Can I continue my pitching, or do I have to Ragna Blade you since I can't use the Giga Slave and all my other attacks don't work on you guys?"

"Yes ma'am sorry ma'am..."

"Oh ho! Zelgadis hits the ball! That's my future son-in-law!"

"Must... keep.. running. Mustn't... attack... Amelia's... father."

"The trusty Eris has diverted the path of the first ball, so I'm still alive!"

"Darn... Ahem, the ball flies over to- yikes, that's a nasty bruise Gaav got from ball 1- the second basem-er... woman, Amelia wil Tesla Seyruun! Unfortunately, she couldn't catch it!"

"Must... keep... running. Mustn't... rush... to Amelia's... aid."

"Oh no ya don't! Sylphiel! Catch!"

"Lina grabs the ball and hurls it towards first basewoman Sylphiel in a desperate last ditch effort! Unfortunately for the Ragna Blades, Zelgadis has already reached first base! My great-great-grandson is invincible! MUA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Shut it. Next up to bat is Zangulus who is apparently the only one on his team taking this game seriously, considering the fact that his teammates are somehow having a pool party in the dugout! I wonder how they did it… My money's on subspace."

"Nani?! No fair! Anyway, Zangulus may be a great player, but the Ragna Blades have Lina who is known for her patented Fireballs! Zangulus, you'd best leave your hat in the fireproof dugout!"

"Come at me, Lina! Where Gourry failed, I shall triumph!"

"Oh, Zangulus-sama~!"

"Martina! Who's side are you on?! Oh, who cares... FIREBALL!"

"Zangulus hits it farther than the eye can see! Do you think the Gorun Novas can turn this around?!"

"It might just be possible, Copy Rezo! Hey- what's that in the distance?"

"Unbelievable! Zangulus's ball flew all around the world to come back here!"

"This is easy... and with a 'tp', I, sorcery genius Lina Inverse, catch the ball just as Zangulus is about to reach home!"

"Why you little-"

"ZANGULUS-SAMA!"

"Martina... Can't... breathe..."

"...It appears that Zangulus is knocked out by Martina glomping him. Your great-great-grandson has such odd friends, Rezo."

"I know..."

**After the boys are done**

"First up to bat is Filia! And the pitcher is... Xellos? And Filia's allowed to use her mace? Copy Rezo, let's have a word with the umpire, shall we?"

"It's all in the name of justice!"

"I take back what I said, Rezo. Your great-great-grandson's friends are simply insane. Xellos, you'd better say your prayers."

"I bet monsters are better at baseball than dragons~"

"What was that, you filthy monster?! I'll show you! YAAAAAAAARGH!"

"And it's a home run! Filia has certainly proved Xellos wrong, eh, Copy Rezo?"

"Indeed! However... did he do that on purpose?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu! Now that is a secret!"

"Xellos..."

"Miss Lina? Why are Mister Zelgadis's eyes red?"

"Avert your eyes, Amelia! Avert your eyes!"

"What Zel has planned for Xellos is enough to make a battle-seasoned warrior like me shudder. Follow Lina's advice and don't look."

"Er... since Xellos has been hospitalized by Zelgadis and is therefore unable to pitch, the Gorun Novas have sent in their relief pitcher, little ickle Phibrizzy-chan!"

"MY NAME IS HELLMASTER PHIBRIZZO!"

"Brizzy, do as they say."

"Yes, mother. And after that, I WILL FREE YOU FROM THAT HORRIBLE VESSEL!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING HORRIBLE, SHORTY?!"

"YOU, OLD HAG! SERVICE!"

"That's tennis, you little brat."

"Oh, dear! Copy Rezo, Phibby is too short! His pitches land on the ground!"

"You're right, Rezo! Umpire...?"

"JUSTICE WALK!"

The game goes on like this 'til the end. The girls win! ...Not surprising since Lina can best everyone on the other team except Xellos who was hospitalized.

"I win, jellyfish! Now I demand my food!"

"Gourry-sama...!"

"Alright, Lina. A deal's a deal. Now- LET'S GO GET THAT DRAGON CUISINE!"

"YAHOO! YEAH! YUM! FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!"

"Can someone please explain whats going on to us commentators?"

"Oh, Lina hardly got anything to eat during our harsh training. But what's the story behind the 'deal', mister Zelgadis?"

"They decided to eat Dragon Cuisine after the game, and they had a deal that the loser would pay."

"In other words, they dine and dash?"

"Unless someone intervenes, yeah, pretty much."

Elsewhere, twin screams of "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" were heard.

**Lina: YUMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! REVIEW! MAYBE I'LL GET A DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF WHAT I ATE IF YOU DO!**

**Zelgadis: Somehow, I doubt it…**

**Amelia: Review in the name of justice!**


End file.
